Sample Chapter

            We have already learned what type of approach works with women.  They want a man to approach them in a friendly manner with a warm smile.  They would also like you to make eye contact right away and maintain that eye contact.  Most women would like you to come up to them from the side in a gentle yet strong fashion.  Some even like a gentle touch on the arm or shoulder. 

            Well, now you're there standing in front of them looking into their eyes with a smile on your face ... what do you say?

            That's exactly what this chapter is devoted to.  You will get tips and hints on starting a conversation, keeping a conversation going, persuading women through your conversation, and much more.

Avoiding Rejection:

            The most important point, when first trying to start a conversation with a woman, is that she wants to continue the conversation after you have given your opening line.  This is done in two steps.  The best way to get her to continue the conversation is to first open with a leading question and then turn into a good listener.

            Asking a leading, but pleasant question is much easier than you may think.  Though this is basic and easy the results are phenomenal.  There are three ways to ask these type  of questions:

1. Ask her questions that will appeal to her interests.

a. If you're at a club, ask her if she likes the band.  After she answers, either yes or no, ask her what other type of music she likes.  This is an open ended question that leads to further conversation.

b. Use the same technique if you are at a park or an athletic event.  After your initial question, ask an open ended question.

2. Ask her questions about her hobbies.

a. This is most useful if you are meeting women at special club meetings, art galleries, shopping malls, etc. 

            Remember, always, after you ask a yes or no question, use that information to formulate and ask your open ended question.

3. Compliment her in some way and then turn her answer into an open ended question.

a. You could say something like: "your hair is really shiny what type of shampoo do you use?"  To keep the conversation going say "I've tried that shampoo, but have you ever tried rinsing with egg white? My sister uses it and it does wonders for her hair."  Don't say something like "Your body makes me hot and sweaty babe!"  Compliment her hair, her eyes, or her clothing.   Make sure she doesn't feel like she has to return the compliment and make sure your compliment is non-threatening. 

Here's an example of a non-threatening compliment. 

Let's say the woman is wearing a sweatshirt with a University of Arizona emblem on it.  Say something like; "That's a great sweatshirt.  Do you go to the U of A?"

 In this example you have given her a sincere non-threatening compliment and opened the door for more conversation.  That's the next point.  After giving her a compliment, immediately follow up with an open ended question.  By doing this you accomplish two things.  First, she doesn't have to respond to your compliment.  Many women fear getting compliments because they don't know what to say afterwards and they feel they have to give one back.  Well, with the way you give your compliment, followed by an open ended question, this fear or uncomfortableness is eliminated.  The second thing this type of opening accomplishes is to break the ice and get a conversation going.  She could just give you a simple "no" to your question.  If she does you can elicit another open ended question or find another woman to approach.  Not every woman is going to be responsive to you or even like you.  It may not even be your fault.  You might just remind her of someone in her past or she just may not like the way you look.  So what!  Who cares!  There are plenty of other women who will be very responsive to you.  Don't let one or two or even three rejections get you down.  Let's face it, you probably don't like every woman you meet either.

            Do you get the idea?  Ask a question or compliment her in some way to elicit an answer and then use that answer to ask an open ended question to keep the conversation going.  Don't give her false compliments.  Women said the number one thing they hate when a man first approaches them is a false compliment.  They do like to be complimented though, especially if you are sincere about it.

            After you have asked your open ended question, you must immediately turn into a good listener.  This is the easiest technique you can use to keep a conversation going.  Women respond very well to a man who has an empathic ear and is willing to let them express their opinions and views.

            The best and easiest way to be a good listener is to genuinely want to hear what the woman has to say.  If you are really listening you can pick up on key phrases and words that you can then turn into questions to keep the conversation flowing.  A simple compliment about her hair, with your response about your sister, can lead to a conversation about family and then that can lead to her career expectations and so on.  See how one small genuine compliment could keep a conversation going all night.  But to keep it going you must genuinely be listening to her so you can catch the key phrases and words to ask questions back.  How will I know what the key phrases and words are?  Well, listen for excitement in her voice and watch her facial and body movements.  When she is excited about a subject she will want to talk more about it.  Also, genuinely listening to her helps you decide whether you want to continue a long term relationship with her.

            Another vital aspect about being a good listener is to show expression.  Don't be a blank faced listener.  Keep good eye contact with her. Smile, nod, or raise your eyebrows when she does or when it's appropriate.  This lets the woman know you are truly listening to her and more important, that you're truly interested in what she has to say.

            One point you must remember though, is don't ask her a lot of personal questions at the beginning of the conversation.  Getting personal is great and it shows you sincerely want to get to know the person, but at the very start of the conversation you should ask surface questions only.  Then you can work your way to more intimate questions through your responses. 

            Another great way to get a conversation going with a woman is to ask her for help.  For example, if you are in a bookstore, ask her if she has read a certain book or if she knows where to find a certain book.  This is also a fantastic way to get to know a little more about her interests.  Women won't find it weak if you ask them for help.  It's just the opposite.  Women find it appealing when a man can admit he doesn't know everything and he is willing to get help from someone else. 

            Always make sure the woman you are with is the center of the conversation.  As you are asking questions about her reveal little things about yourself.  This shows you are willing to let her get to know you too. 

            For example: "Yeah, I like that band too, I also like soft rock, especially after a hard day at school/work.  What do you like to do to relax after you have had a very hard day?"

            See how you let a little about yourself out as you ask her another question about herself to keep the conversation going.  You are also starting to get more personal with her.  This shows you want to know more about her.  After all, what do people like to talk about the most, but themselves or their accomplishments.  It is a good idea to repeat back to her simple phrases she has said.  This lets her know you are hearing her and not just listening to her.  An example might be: "Oh you do like Elton John, so do I, especially his older music.  Have you ever heard his version of Leon?"

            Remember, a conversation is a two way street.  Besides being a good listener you have to be a good speaker.  Keep your conversation simple and easy.  Don't try to impress a woman with lots of technical talk about cars, work, or sports.  Talking about these things will come in time.  The woman will most certainly tune you out if you begin to bore her or she doesn't understand what you are talking about.  That's why it's best to keep the conversation going with questions about her.  As we said earlier, you can reveal insight about yourself as you are answering her questions and asking new ones to keep the conversation going.  The woman will also find you much more appealing, no matter what you look like, if she can easily talk to you without feeling uncomfortable.  Don't cut her down for her opinions, especially if they are different from yours.  Ask her why she feels this way and tell her she has a good point and so on.  If a woman can easily listen to you, understand what you are saying, and feel free and comfortable to express her views, feelings, and opinions, she will be very attracted to you. 

            Be sure the inflection of your voice suits the conversation.  Women don't like or listen to men who have very loud boisterous voices.  They like a man with a strong sexy voice that is riddled with gentleness and sensitivity.

            Try not to let the conversation die.  Good friends can have long periods of silence and it's not even noticeable, but silence in a conversation with a person you've just met can be very awkward and a real turn off to a woman.

            Let's sum up what we have learned so far!  The very first thing is to forget about your looks.  What you should be concerned with, the most, is being clean and well groomed.   Don't wear ratty or dirty clothes when you go out to get a woman.  Remember women's main physical concern, with men, is that they are clean and don't smell bad. 

            Now that you're dressed and ready to go, where should you go to find women?  Well, most women say they like to meet men that have the same interests as they.  So, my best advice, to you, is to go someplace that interests you!  For example: an art museum, a hobby store, shopping malls, a night club, concerts, etc.  This way if you are interested in what you are doing you already have half of the battle won.  You won't really be at a loss for conversation.  Just talk about what you are doing at the place you are at.

            Remember how to get a conversation going with a woman; approach her slowly and with a warm smile, make and maintain eye contact, give her a sincere compliment and ask her an open ended question.  You should then turn into a good listener and use her answers to ask her questions to keep the conversation going.  Don't get too technical about cars or sports etc. with her right away.  You don't want the woman to tune you out immediately. 

"Let her do most of the talking through answering your questions.  Be sure to reveal insight about yourself too.  Women want to know who you are, but they also want to be the center of attention and the conversation, just as you do when someone is trying to get to know you better."

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